From Bullied, To Mystic, To Free

 Little Jamie Lu, Clark Air Force Based, Phillipines - 1989

Little Jamie Lu, Clark Air Force Based, Phillipines - 1989

My childhood wasn’t an easy one. The constant bullying, targeting of violence, and prejudice that I experienced throughout elementary and high school sent me into 12+ years of silencing myself and withdrawing from the world. I came home to an unhealthy family.  Dad and Mom were long divorced and always stressed over money.  I was constantly looked at as a “loser” and the shy one. Girls at school were competitive and jealous of me, which I never understood because I felt like a black hole. I was picked on, stepped on, blamed. I persevered through all of my teen years until I met mentors who saw my creative genius and helped to bring it out by challenging my depressed mind state and awarding my art and design work. By the age of 17, while most people were working restaurant jobs, I was already one of the best graphic designers in my career and I had not graduated high school yet.

 

Because of my mentors, my brain switched from believing that I was worthless to feeling immense gratitude. I felt gratitude for their words of encouragement, their acceptance, their kindness and their mere presence in my life. A little bit went a long way for me. And I thought, “this is what so many children need and are not getting from their education system or their parents. One day, I want to empower miss-understood children.”

 

I went on to senior level positions very quickly and started my own design business in San Francisco, doing jobs for high paying clients such as Facebook, all without a college degree. I was offered modelling jobs. I decided to take a year to go to college for fun and deepen my learning. I was living in the vortex of my passions and ambitions, and according to most coaches — this is all you need. Deep down inside, I was not completely satisfied. I thought I had overcome all of my greatest hurdles. 

 
 With my Lola   in San Francisco. Lola means "grandmother" in the tegalog language.

With my Lola in San Francisco. Lola means "grandmother" in the tegalog language.

 

I did and I did not. Towards the end of 2012, I had enough of the “good” life. I had a spiritual awakening experience that completely changed my life and oriented me towards a deep healing journey. I was incredibly sick, with a heart, thyroid and gut problems. No doctor could help. I knew in my soul that I had to walk away from everything I built up. My business. My boyfriend. My friends. My town. My family. I knew I was stressed beyond measure. I knew I maxed out my bodies ability to put up with my own tolerance with how I was over pleasing, over working and over committing myself. It was the biggest risk I ever had to take and I did, because deep down I knew I was living a lie.  Even though I taught myself how to climb over the hill, the mountain was next to climb, and if I can climb that mountain then I will know what it is to experience a life that is absolutely true for me.

 

Risking it all to find the hidden Truth.

“For a moment, press the delete button on everything you’ve heard and read about ayahuasca and traditional shamanism. A Shaman is simply one who is able to bring that which is unconscious to consciousness, and can do it through various methods. I work with Sound & Light to do this because it is one of the purest ways to venture into the depths of the Mystery where the hidden Truth can be found.” - Jamie Lu


You see, when the Soul awakens,  its an undeniable experience that is felt in ones energetics. It’s not a conversation you’re now having with ‘spiritual’ people or things you pick up from reading ‘spiritual’ books, or simply feeling good after your yoga or mediation practice. I had no mental reference to spirituality or meditation when my spiritual awakening started. It was a raw feeling that moved through me, motioning me deeper into my heart’s wisdom, challenging me in everything I believe, and everything I hold on too. It was the fear of meeting my pain and the pain of the planet. I was experiencing waves of my own soul coming into contact with my mind. I had fevers. Nausea. Secret outbreaks of uncontrollable crying. Deep knowings about the future of the world. Deep knowings about my own life and why things happened as they did. Deeper understandings about the condition of things that lead to feeling overwhelming compassion for people I found incredibly annoying. 

 

I can see the in’s and the out’s, the causes and the effects. I can read the energies that made up life’s interconnected intricacies.  The big picture was suddenly made available and I couldn’t deny how I felt about it, so I kept it to myself.  What I felt was so strong at times I would often walk out of the office into the nearest out door retreat — many people take “smoke” breaks. I took “tree” breaks.  Just one tree would do but I longed for forest and jungle. 

 
 With my good friends in San Francisco on a weekend outing in nature.

With my good friends in San Francisco on a weekend outing in nature.

 

I remember sitting at one of my own house parties with half of the bay area’s brightest entrepreneurs, some were millionaires in their twenties, and the conversation about the latest business idea for an app went into sudden slow motion, and I heard my inner voice well up, “ how is this really helping the world? How is this helping the children? You’re looking to maximise your yachting time while humanity is crying inside.”

 

And I was crying with humanity! I was no longer surrounded by people who were constantly feeling bad and projecting their problems on to me. I was surrounded by inspiring, brilliant people. Creators of their lives. Ambitious problem solvers who owned things and had VIP seats to burning man. This was more my speed, but they were not my role models — something significant was missing…

 

the Soul.

I could feel it caged within myself.  It felt like the tech industry was sucking my creative life force.  Like I signed my brilliance to it and in exchange it would protect me from negative people and give me a fantastic salary.  I was not serving a greater purpose, only my purpose to pay the bills and be the best in my field.  All of this time I was spending had nothing to do with the healing of the world. The giving back of life. The reverence for Spirit. The empowerment of children!  Knowing this, gnawed on me.

 

My younger sister turned to drugs. One of my friends confided in me, she was raped. And then another friend. And then another… One after another, totally professional and put together women on the surface, but inside they were confused. In denial. lost. My guy friends would tell me their perpetual frustrations with dating, and my girl friends couldn’t seem to find anyone they could love and seemed to blame the quality of the men. What was love these days?  These people were successful, but hopeless and I was falling more severely ill and more aware of the alarming statistics that indicated harm to the millennial generation in America.  Since 2012, 1 out 5 women in America have been the victims of forcible rape. The leading cause for young adults is suicide, and heroin addiction has more than doubled among them.  For the general population of Americans, the third-leading cause of death is what most doctors don't want you to know about: “medical errors” after heart disease and cancer. 

 
 A disgruntled Jamie Lu, visiting New York.

A disgruntled Jamie Lu, visiting New York.

 

I looked at the walls of my penthouse apartment, then I looked out the window upon a gray city street scape, landing my gaze on the single tree on the block.  "I'm in a concrete cage".  I rocked for a bit in my fav Eames chair, catching my reflection in the glossy retina apple monitor.  "This is all false security".  I felt like I was living in an unsafe world, even the hospital was dangerous.  I was surrounded by privileged people who didn’t want to see it and didn’t want to talk about it. 

 

It occurred to me: I built my cage so I could feel protected.  I over-achieved so I could win the approval and praise of others, yet my body is wrecked for it.  All I've gained is pride and now pride is literally killing me.  I work hard to "pay the bills" and "prove myself" and that keeps me nicely imprisoned in my own pseudo-happiness.  I wanted to break free but I didn’t know how.  I just knew I had to look in a different place, one that wasn’t conventional, one that wouldn’t empower the same outcomes.  I saw the cycles of suffering in my self and everyone around me. I knew there was a way and the power was inside.

I had to heal myself.

In what seemed to be a covert ninja move, I left the country. I confided in no one. My heart said “do it alone so you can know who you are”, “let go of it all and trust in all of you”, “the universe is working for you, stop controlling and enjoy the ride to the destination unknown”. 

 

I moved to Bali and traveled to 16+ countries. I experienced a miracle in the change of my health and energy levels, as I learned how to retrieve the fragments of my Soul, heal my inner child and channel universal healing energy through the weak parts of my body and mind.  I took up yoga, meditation, detoxing and energy healing practices.  As I grew stronger and clearer, my frequency started to peak.  My own family noticed a dramatic difference in me on our phone calls.  My sister was inspired, she too wanted to heal herself.  I trained with quantum physicists, monks, shamans and therapists of all kinds so I could learn how to effortlessly assist others in healing themselves. I saw how nearly every coping mechanism, difficulty and disease had everything to do with unresolved pain in our childhood and in our multi-dimensional, traumatized collective past.  I found true answers, support and a wholeness that was freeing and blissful, unlike I ever felt before.

I threw the beta blockers and hormone therapy out the window. I no longer needed them. 

When I share this with people, I often hear about the Eat, Pray, Love phenomena.  I never read the book.  But let it be known that there is a large underground movement of people going through the same journey.  I was in it because it felt like life or death.  I had to discover where my Soul is in all of this and how much of a free-thinking heretic I actually am, and that was important for me to find out.   I found paradise in one adventure after another.  I was finally in the wilds of sacred places yet unknown to most.  I was with ancient trees and their wisdom.  I was facing fears I had not known were there until they were there!  Snakes, tarantulas, monkeys and Ascended Masters became my friends.  I slept on Ashram floors, had cold showers, took long rides in dilapidated buses, meditated in caves, and sat with my Spirit team.  My comfort zone was annihilated.  I had the opportunity to really really really slow down and get gruff.  Slow enough to hear my internal GPS start to navigate my every step.  And gruffy enough to abolish self consciousness and deeply recognize my true beauty.  All of my worries dissolved.  My mind was a happy smile. I thought these learning opportunities did not exist in America, so I wasn't planning on coming back anytime soon.

 
 

Now this all probably sounds really great and alluring, right!?   

If you're feeling the impulse to book some plane tickets right now, I would only encourage you.  However, I would first ask you to take a moment and feel where that impulse may be coming from.  I'm aware that there is a BIG pre-conception, especially among freedom seekers, that freedom only comes when you have the time and money to roam and that's the perfect set up to have an adventure that expands your horizons. 

“It is truth that liberates, not your effort to be free.” 
— Jiddu Krishnamurti

 

That's what I was doing — chasing freedom. 

I came to Asia to escape the field of consciousness in America so I could finally have the space to find myself.  I will admit, coming to a beautiful, spiritual and foreign land did make it A LOT easier for me to reach that goal.  However, after some pretty hard lessons,  I learned that true freedom cannot be bought and is not located somewhere on the map, nor is it something I experience when I run away from my problems.  Freedom was always within me, it just got covered up by the ingrained belief that I wasn't free, so I, along with everyone else have to work hard to earn some semblance of freedom.  Now, freedom to me means a feeling of divine spaciousness.  The patriarchal conditioning that I was brought up in taught me that I didn't have space to be myself.  That it was somehow wrong or inappropriate to take up the space to be myself.  That I would offend the people I care about if I did do that and oh boy, if I dared exercise my freedom, especially my freedom of speech, they would just hate me for it or it would get me into trouble!

 

This again, came from my unresolved pain from feeling more alone then loved or accepted in childhood.  In my attempt to break my victim pattern of entrapment, I was unconsciously fuelling the seeds of it.   Trapping myself gave me some form of love from an outside saviour — that's why I struggled with letting it go.   And many suffer this karmic wheel as well, as we look outside of ourselves for the love, for the answer, for the power, for the hero.   Wherever I was escaping, even escaping into Spirituality, I was further abandoning myself, the self that was calling for the real goods:  Self Love and Self Mastery. 

 

Will my inner Heroine please stand up already?

I've come to know the result of healing only through a process of finding unconditional love and acceptance for myself, for my world and for the condition of all things.  This, as my spirit guides refer to it, is my journey of Self Mastery.  There is no way I could even take this journey without the support of my friends, my mentors and fellow wayshowers on my path.  Truely, when the student is ready, the right teachers show up. 

 

Ascension is the Journey of Self Healing & Mastery

...that will lead you to greater connection with the Divine in everyone one.  Self Mastery isn't about lone wolfing it.  It is simply the process one takes to click into your own Source of love, wisdom and creativity and to allow that inner Source to guide you to a higher dimensional reality that embraces the reality of Unity and Oneness.  If you're Christian, then I would say, to know that you are your own Christ, and so is everyone else.  However, there are many conditions and dark counter forces that are keeping humanity from realizing their Self Mastery, hence the term "Mastery" as it requires adeptness.

 

From Understanding Oneness: “We are not here to learn how to create good outcomes all the time, we are here to learn how to live in truthful presence with what is. Learning how to live in truth, shows us exactly where we are not in truth, giving us the opportunity to find the truth in every moment and this very motion serves to align us to the frequency of the Higher Dimensions. Ascension into the 5th Dimensional heart space, is both a loving and logical endeavour as one must develop the inner strength to both unconditionally accept and think for oneself.” - Jamie Lu

 

I was out of the country for 7 years.  I grew tremendously in that time.  I went through experiencing peak miracles and devastating trials.  I journeyed through periods of channeling Ascended Masters, a false twin flame experience, a true twin flame friendship, a marriage and a foundation crashing divorce that got me into radical alignment with my Divine purpose in America.  Now I'm living in one of the most sacred places on Earth,  with a sweet heart of a Divine man, and experiencing communication with my baby spirits for the first time.  My work is now what I love to do: to Serve the Divine empowerment of others through my Retreats and Sessions. My sister is now addiction-free living her dream as a yoga teacher with a family of her own.   I experience love and dear friendship with my mother and father where there was once resignation, hurt feelings and separation.  According to my own mother, "I found myself".  And according to the yummy glowing feeling in my heart, I agree.  

 

We are Indestructible Peace.

I dove deep into my dream world of wisdom, mysticism,  gurus and hot yoga pants and what I learned is not something that every Spiritualist will want you to hear.  In every pocket of the world, of a culture, of a field of consciousness, will exist a deception and distortion of the Truth, until those dark clouds of distortion are cleared from the collective by the light of our own inner strength, wisdom and grace.   Even "Spirit" can deceive the brightest and turn the cycle that you're try to break free from into yet another experience of the same story, but now you're more spiritual, or it's the same thing but now you have more money... This is called Karmic Looping — and it's a cycle of suffering most unknowingly endure.  The only way to true freedom is to dissolve the blocks that keep you from your Self Masterygetting real, taking up your Divine Sovereignty and becoming present to the Loving, Indestructible Peace of your true nature.  I do one-on-one sessions to easily dissolve these karmic looping blocks, and I also give evolutionary support through my Divine coaching programs.


{ to be continued... }

 

Sources:
The Heroine Epidemic - CDC.gov
https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/heroin/index.html

The Truth on Sexual Violence - CDC.gov

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/sv-datasheet-a.pdf

Medical errors third-leading cause of death in America - CNBC.com

https://www.cnbc.com/.../medical-errors-third-leading-cause-of-death-in-america.html